Mastimela :::::::: Mobile World :::::::::::::

Husband to wife: Why do you keep reading our marriage licence?
Wife to Husband: I'm looking for a loophole

Q: Why are husbands like lawn mowers?
A: They're hard to get started, emit foul odors, and don't work half the time!

Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.

Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, and when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.

The definition of a perfect Wife? - one who helps the husband with the dishes...

Marriage is a 3-ring circus - engagement ring, wedding ring and Suffering.

Men are like chocolate bars.... sweet, smooth, and they usually head right for your hips.

There was this woman who had an artist paint a portrait of her covered with the most amazingly beautiful and expensive jewels.
Her explanation - "If I die and my husband re-marries, I want his next wife to go crazy looking for the jewels."

The Minister noticed the bride was in distress so asked what was wrong. She replied that she was awfully nervous and afraid she would not remember what to do. The Minister told her that she only needed to remember 3 things.
First the aisle, cos that is what you'll be walking down.
Secondly, the alter because that is where you will arrive.
Finally, remember hymn because that is a type of song we will sing during the service.
While the bride was walking in step with the wedding march, family and friends of the groom were horrified to hear her repeating these 3 words
...Aisle, alter hymn (I'll alter him)

Marriage is not a word. It's a sentence....(a life sentence!).

There was this lover who said that he would go through hell for her. They got married - now he is going through Hell!!!

A happy marriage is a matter of give and take; the husband gives and the wife takes.

A little kid asks his Dad, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
"No idea," replied the Father, "I'm still paying for it..."

A woman was telling her friend , "It was I who made my husband a millionaire."
"And what was he before you married him?" asked the friend.
The woman replied, " A multi-millionaire".

What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? -
Well, it's the same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving

Q: Why do brides wear white?
A: To blend in with everything else in the kitchen.

After a lengthy quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you."
The husband replied: "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice it."

I've got a good friend who married a Doctor.
One day he told her: "You need to do something to spice up our love-making".
Soon thereafter, he came home and found her in bed with another man who is also an M.D.
"Why?" asked her husband. "You said I needed to do something to spice up our love-making;
I just wanted to get a Second Opinion", she replied...

A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.

Marriage - an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor's Degree and the woman gets her Masters.

One day a man inserted an 'advert' in the local classifieds: "Wife wanted".
Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

Behind every great man there is a surprised woman.

The most happy marriage I can imagine to myself would be the union of a deaf man to a blind woman.

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.

I've sometimes thought of marrying, and then I've thought again.

Can you imagine a world without men? No crime and lots of happy, fat women.

The man who says his wife can't take a joke, forgets that she took him .

Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.

A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.

Marriage changes passion ... suddenly you're in bed with a relative.

There's only one way to have a happy marriage and as soon as I learn what it is I'll get married again.

There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage.

Many a man owes his success to his first wife and his second wife to his success.

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.

I never married because I have three pets at home that answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog that growls every morning, a parrot that swears all afternoon and a cat that comes home late at night.

Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, and half-shut afterwards.

Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?

By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.

I require only three things of a man. He must be handsome, ruthless and stupid.

A man's wife has more power over him than the state has.

I never knew what real happiness was until I got married. And by then it was too late.

To the bride and groom - may we all be invited to your golden wedding celebrations...

My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.

To the NewlyWeds: May 'for better or worse' be far better than worse

Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery.

I've known many,
Liked not a few,
Loved only one,
I toast to you

To the 2 secrets of a long lasting and happy marriage
...Here's to good sense of humor and a short memory!

Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.

May you grow old on one pillow.

You know, the trouble with being the best man at a wedding is that you never get to actually prove it.

Congratulations on the termination of your isolation and may I express an appreciation of your determination to end the desperation and frustration which has caused you so much consternation in giving you the inspiration to make a combination to bring an accumulation to the population.

Grooms, once you marry, please remember that when you have a discussion with your future wife, always try to get the last two words in: "Yes dear"

Dear [bride's name],
Isn't it quite funny how History repeats itself?
[Bride's Age] years ago your Mother and Father were putting you to bed with a dummy...and now it's happening all over again

Married life has many Ups and Downs...May most of yours be between the sheets!

Here's to the bride - may she share everything with her husband...and that includes the housework.

May the best of your past be the worst of your future

To the Bride and Groom - live life to the fullest and remember, this is the first day of the rest of your life...

May we never forget what is worth remembering or remember what is best forgotten.

To my wife...my bride...my joy

Here's to my bride: she knows everything about me, yet loves me just the same.

May your joys be as deep as the Ocean, and your troubles as light as its foam.

May our children be blessed with rich parents